And Now We Drink Episode 262 with Master Saffer and Lady Petra

Drinking on the podcast this week on a remote show are the hosts of "The Kinky Cocktail hour" Master Saffer and Lady Petra. If you ever wanted to learn about kink and a kinky lifestyle this is the episode for you. Saffer and Petra get deep into their relationship, their play habits and how they found each other after long unfulfilling relationships with previous partners. The couple manages to answer questions that Matt Slayer didn't even know he had.

• Transcript

  Matt Slayer What's going on, guys. So we're literally doing a podcast, a podcast there we are going from I was just Jesus, I'm drinking and can't talk. There's always a good way to start a podcast. Like, Oh yeah, thermostat is pounding booze on your stomach and I forgot how to do intros or anything.

  Master Saffer Apparently, you have to record, you have to press record that shit and you know.

  Matt Slayer So take two. No, thankfully we are recording. We have that much. I remember it at the end of it. Well, I remember you actually saved the file oh yeah.

  Master Saffer He's nice. That's important too. So you are recording because I didn't see the recording button come up.

  Matt Slayer Oh, no. Who uses Zoom's internal recording?

  Master Saffer Yes, of course. Yes.

  Matt Slayer It zooms into our recording this afternoon for the folks who want to know about podcasts and zooms up. Internal recording was absolute garbage, just like some HD radio assignment. It's barely SD, and the sample rate is completely subpar. So I am actually recording you guys audio through my mixing board directly. SD and that I am screen capturing the the symbol.

  Master Saffer Okay. Okay. Nice. You're like a sophisticated podcast. I'm I'm.

  Matt Slayer I may have done this once or twice.

  Master Saffer Thank you.

  Matt Slayer And actually, when it comes to me in post, what will happen is it will go from a loose on my end. We're currently in gallery view. It will go between speaker view, but I hit Zoom's internal speaker view because it will often not bounce over when people start talking. Right? So I'm actually capturing my feed individually on another device and will bounce between our two views.

  Master Saffer And just that's great.

  Matt Slayer If anyone was curious on how another drink gets made on a remote show, that's awesome. First of all, I will start off with thank you for having me on the show, guys.

  Master Saffer That was great, actually. You know, we're happy to have you on. Yeah, for sure.

  Matt Slayer Please, everyone who's listening, go check out the cocktail hour where you get to hear me get real political, which I don't often do. On here.

  Master Saffer Yeah, I know. We have a pretty extensive library. We've been doing that for about three years.

  Lady Petra And we're crazy because we pod almost every day.

  Master Saffer Yeah. So we have like almost 600 episodes of great conversations with Kingston, with each other, with sex workers. With political figures, with public figures. It's been a really amazing journey, actually.

  Matt Slayer Yeah, that's fucking awesome. Like, I don't understand how you guys have the bandwidth to do this almost every day. Like, I've been doing this six years and like I'll often record multiple times over the course of a week, but I'm only releasing like keeping up with the post end of it.

  Lady Petra Yeah.

  Matt Slayer Yeah. Put it out like more than once a week. This is like, no, no, no, no. I need to have a life. I need to like not just be though I do edit for other people. I need to, like, step away from my computer occasionally.

  Master Saffer Yes, please. Yeah, yeah. I drive a desk. That's what happens.

  Matt Slayer Sadly, I mostly do too, but I need to step away from it every once in a while. I need to go get drunk with people in real life.

  Master Saffer Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just drink together.

  Matt Slayer That's life goals. That's life goals right there. Eventually. Eventually, I will find someone who will put up with my bullshit long enough to want to live and drink with me. Sure, sure.

  Master Saffer There's.

  Lady Petra There is somebody for you.

  Master Saffer Yeah, sure. That's. That's definitely something worth pursuing.

  Matt Slayer There have definitely been multiple somebodies for me, and I'm a crazy person who's probably pushed them away. But yeah.

  Master Saffer Hey, it happens.

  Matt Slayer It does multiple times throughout my life. It's documented.

  Master Saffer Yeah.

  Matt Slayer You going through my l my time hop, it's like, oh, yeah. That was a messy breakup. Shit.

  Matt Slayer Oh, that was all my fault.

  Master Saffer Oh, did you notice how you noticed how, like, in all your messy breaks up, in all your messy breakups, there's one common denominator is like, you're anyone.

  Lady Petra Yeah, yeah.

  Matt Slayer You well, and it's one of those things where they say, like, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. But it's technically not the same thing over and over again because it's different people. It's different variables.

  Master Saffer Yeah, but you can. You can technically, you could say that. In fact.

  Matt Slayer Some people may disagree with you about me being insane or not, but please don't pull my axes. Please don't. Oh, how long have you two been together, by the way?

  Master Saffer Wow.

  Matt Slayer Yeah, well.

  Master Saffer We're we're coming up on four years.

  Lady Petra Yeah.

  Master Saffer We both come out of long, unfulfilling marriages, and we decided that we needed to create something new and different. So we did what we call create a relationship we just created out of nothing where we're, like, hard core connectors. Yeah. And we had to find each other. That that was the first step. Well, once we found each other, then we had to get with creating a relationship.

  Master Saffer So we spent probably about six months or so just talking about.

  Lady Petra Before we met.

  Master Saffer Even before we met. Yeah. Just talking about what it is we were interested in creating and then we met. And then it still still took several months before we actually got together and and actually took on a kink relations. And the way we did that was she put herself forward to be client. I'm a Dom, she's assigned to me and I claimed her as my submissive.

  Master Saffer And then after about a month or so, two months, we moved in together. And then about a year later, I called her to call her her. It actually took her divorce getting complete. I wasn't willing and we weren't willing to take on a new commitment before an old commitment was resolved. We wanted to get complete. And so that was important for us.

  Master Saffer But we did. We got complete, she got completed and we took off and being collared which is a whole new experience. And now we're coming up on three years, call.

  Matt Slayer It That's Wild that you guys called and did a podcast about the same time that that is serious commitment right there.

  Master Saffer Yeah.

  Lady Petra Well, we were like signing and having a cocktail after a scene.

  Master Saffer Every.

  Lady Petra Day and debriefing because response was Kingston debriefs after a scene, and we started having these really deep conversations and they were evolution theory for our own journey and just for our own sake of memory, we thought we should record this. And then at some point within a couple of times of recording, we're like I think other people might want to hear this.

  Lady Petra Like, This is our journey. Like we're the typical like we were in the vanilla 30 year marriages and got out and now we're doing this and this is our journey and it just evolved from there.

  Master Saffer Yeah, our conversations were really in the world of relationship, you know, because we had had failed relationships and we were experts. That failed relationship.

  Lady Petra Expert.

  Master Saffer Yes. Not good.

  Matt Slayer At it. Yeah. I feel most people are mostly work.

  Master Saffer Yeah. And and so we both realized that we needed to be responsible for creating something new. And so a lot of our conversations were about how do you create a relationship that works? How do you create a relationship where joy is present? How do you create a relationship where there's connection, relatedness, intimacy, and how do you do that?

  Master Saffer Right. So a lot of our conversations were around that because we are both lifelong cultures. You know, we sort of talked about it from a coaching perspective, and that led to us creating the relationship context that we have and that led to us creating coaching contacts that led to us building the podcast. And so it's all just kind of flows together.

  Master Saffer You know what, what's happened is the podcast has become a tool for us to demystify kink and sexuality, right? For sure. Because what we've spent the last four years doing is demystifying kink and sexuality for ourselves, you know, and we're into like all kinds of interesting aspects of kink that really we were not present to before we started.

  Master Saffer Right. This journey that we're on has brought us to experience, you know, what other people call sacred sexuality, which is quite remarkable.

  Lady Petra Yeah. It's really evolved to a point where as a sexual.

  Master Saffer Creature.

  Lady Petra And I could have never predicted I would be in touch with myself in such a way. For example, when we first met, I knew that my basis was a service I enjoy that part. I always have. It's not that I try to get kudos for it, really. I've done it since I was like three in my grandmother's kitchen.

  Lady Petra Like cleaning things up and stuff. So it was like in my nature. And so I wanted someone who appreciated that and valued that as well as was sex forward. And so initially I thought, Well, I'll be a sub. And I went to FET Life, of course, and started searching because I didn't know anything about I was doing lots of kinky things, unlike he'll tell you his perspective of his marriage.

  Lady Petra But my marriage, I was having sex every single day for 30 years. I mean, like multiple times a day. I was being used, but I was disengaged, disassociated, it was abusive, it was not something I chose.

  Master Saffer And.

  Lady Petra So on. Now, when I come to this part, I'm choosing a partner and I'm engaged. And so then I was like, Well, I think I'm a sub. Well, then as you start to search.

  Master Saffer For your partner.

  Lady Petra Online, you realize there's that I'm competitive, I'm going to win the sub game. And so well set subs aren't good enough. I need to be a slave. I have to win at this, right? So I remember coming to him after we read profiles and we were taken with one another that I think I'm a slave. Well, he made some interesting comments during that time about, you know, pretty dramatic comments about slave type things and one was like, well, then I can just cut off your fingers or something like that.

  Lady Petra And I was like, Well, wait a minute. And then I even even not as dramatic as that, I was thinking to myself, This master could make me a piece of furniture for the rest of my life. Like, he could choose that I'm a footstool and that I need to be the best footstool ever. But that is the rest of my life.

  Lady Petra Or I may never sleep in a bed again. I may be on a blanket on the floor, and that's where I am, or in a cage or something like that. And and although for intermittent periods, those things are attractive at times, depending on the context I had to really think about that. And then I knew there was something resonated me that was stirring like no.

  Lady Petra And so I was fighting that. So I remember being really up in arms like well, I should be a slave because I'm winning this game of slave and sub and I'm the best, you know, come to find out that I was looking for a chosen one who I could give everything of my submission to. But to everyone else, I'm a dominant I so I'm a switch.

  Lady Petra I'm definitely not a slave. I have agency, I like to have agency, and I love to show my love in a way to my chosen one. But then that's it. Everyone else is a submissive or someone that wants my dominance. And so that's how I play it now.

  Master Saffer Yeah. And that was a new discovery that came out of the podcast, actually came out of the conversations that we were having to describe itself as a damaged hypersexual, which was like a new combination of words to her. And she hadn't heard those before. Yeah, right.

  Lady Petra I always thought was weird.

  Master Saffer Yeah.

  Matt Slayer Can you define that for the audience? Because they may be like, What? What does that mean?

  Lady Petra Oh, so like if you're walking down the street, I always felt odd girlfriends and I, we walk in, we see and we're teenagers. So we'd see a young boy and I could it, I could tell that the, the boy that we're all Googling at is attractive in some way, whatever that is, whatever his attributes are I can see attractiveness, but that didn't stir me inside any at any level, like at any level.

  Lady Petra And then if he opened his mouth God help him. Because usually when they open their mouths, they're dumber than sex. And so then I'm like, no, because I'm also a stable sexual. So I have for severe sexual. I love intelligence. I love witty conversation. I'm attracted by that someone who can keep up with the conversation. And then demi sibel's sexual is I have to have an emotional connection to someone to feel the sexuality desire.

  Lady Petra And so that takes time. So I'm not the one that's in a bar. And I look across the room and I see, oh, it's not that I don't notice that the person's attractive or even hear a conversation and say they sound attractive. It's that it takes so much more to get my attention. And I always thought I was weird because I thought, What's wrong with me?

  Lady Petra Why am I not having the hots over these guys? Like, these girls are drooling. Why am I not? And now I understand that I'm a very small segment of the population, but then my love is really intense. So then it's really good.

  Master Saffer I'm going to say it's more like fIREHOSE Love.

  Matt Slayer Is that why you guys needed, like, 15 minutes before we got between?

  Master Saffer Oh, yes, that's right. Yes.

  Matt Slayer Well, and that's awesome. And then, like, that's awesome that you understand and know that, like, more people need to, like, more understand themselves. And like, I feel like a lot of people conform to social norms because their peer group is doing whatever right. More people need like understanding and like, oh no, this is what I'm into. This is like, I'm not going to just do things because of peer pressure, societal norms, whatever.

  Matt Slayer Like people need to pursue their own fucking happiness and be honest about it.

  Lady Petra The authentic.

  Matt Slayer Yeah, yeah, exactly.

  Master Saffer Yeah. Now we, we literally did a bunch of work on this, like we worked on ourselves and we did a deep inquiry into our own motivations to discover what it was we were looking for in our sexuality and in relationship. And it takes that level of work to the level to develop the level of intimacy and connection that we experience, because what we experience is out of this world.

  Master Saffer It's really remarkable OK, I can't begin to describe how we connect energetically in a way that satisfies what we're experiencing because the words don't actually exist. It's happening in a in a, in a manner and in a in a an experience that is energy based. Yeah, it's not it's not like the human experience that I'm used to. Right.

  Master Saffer We're having almost an nonhuman experience in connecting. Like, we actually experience each other as one creature. In our own.

  Lady Petra Avatar is.

  Master Saffer Like. Yeah, it's very. It's. It is.

  Lady Petra It really is. It feels like that with the colors and the connection where I don't know where I am. And and he begins and that one, we're in that deep space. And really, kink is an access point for us because I get to go super some space and he gets to go big dorm space and we mirror we're like mirror neurons.

  Lady Petra We mirror each other on both ends of the spectrum and pull each other deeper to a point. Where, you know, I'm speaking in tongues and, you know, I'm not I think I can do myself words, but what I trust is as the dominant. He told me way early on, he doesn't break his toys. And so I trust that 100%.

  Lady Petra So I let myself dove deep and then, you know, see where it takes us.

  Master Saffer Yeah, it's pretty cool.

  Matt Slayer That's fucking amazing. Like the the level of trust that you two have to have, which is like the, the bedrock of any fucking real relationship is trust.

  Master Saffer Yeah. Yeah, for sure. And we like to say that I think is really communication.

  Lady Petra It has to.

  Master Saffer Be like we actually communicate very deeply and very consistently and the outcome, I don't know how else to describe it. The outcome of that level of communication is that we're able to actually be present not just in our sex which is important, but in everything that it carries over into like appreciating that you hear people say you should stop and smell the roses.

  Master Saffer We actually do that. We actually stop and smell the roses. Right. I mean, it's it's the it's being present in the way we prepare the food or the way we prepare a drink cocktail or the way we like set up to have, you know, thank sex. It's like being present requires that you can actually let go of everything and literally everything in the house so that you can actually be with each other in a way that face the bottle.

  Master Saffer Yeah. You know, in a way. In a way that actually leads to changes in perception. You know, we like to say that new actions lead to unexpected outcomes. And we've taken a bunch of new actions in our sexuality that have led to outcomes that are completely unpredictable and very interesting and super cool, like super cool. And I'm having, I'm having energetic orgasms throughout our sexual scene with my glass to.

  Lady Petra Be for regular physical orgasms.

  Master Saffer Which might last every couple hours. I might have total body like expressions of energetic orgasm and repeatedly like and that might happen over and over again over a two hour period before we finally have an ejaculation that comes from my fucking toes.

  Matt Slayer While shit, I am doing everything in life wrong apparently. Fuck, I don't think I could ever describe an orgasm like that in my whole fucking goddamn.

  Lady Petra I knew we couldn't either though in our past we couldn't either. That's the thing is that this has been a discovery of complete trust and immersion in the vulnerability. Like during our process, we were partying and we were talking about vulnerability because we really, we were we were vulnerable.

  Master Saffer Right? Look at what we're up to.

  Lady Petra We're so vulnerable. And then there was like some couple of weeks later or something where I sit on the couch in the living room and I was like, Oh, I just had an epiphany. I recognize that I have not been vulnerable like I thought I was. I said I was and in this moment, I recognize I got clarity on I wasn't vulnerable.

  Lady Petra And we had a conversation about being vulnerable. Yes. Yes. And that new action, that new conversation led to changes that were that have led us to where we are now. That is where you can just let go in the moment. Completely let go. And your partner is there.

  Master Saffer You know, I met people described this conversation as a conversation about sacred sexuality. Right. But people have different access points to it. So like people who engage in tantric sex that's an access point. People who engage in yoga, that's an access point. People who engage in meditation, that's an access point, a Buddhist meditation, they're trying to achieve a nirvana that they're back, a connection to a larger universe.

  Master Saffer Right. And kink is an access point. Kink is an access point because one of the things that happens in camp is you can't do it if you're not present. You just can't you actually have to you can.

  Lady Petra Do it if you're role playing and in the moment role playing through it. But I think the difference for us, because you've role played before.

  Master Saffer Happened.

  Lady Petra Before we met, we are immersed. It's 24 seven. It doesn't turn off like people ask us don't you get tired or you need a break, you need a break from your kink. And I think, wow, no it's 24 time it's our life. This is how we live our life.

  Matt Slayer It's like, do you need a break from breathing.

  Master Saffer Right?

  Lady Petra Yeah, exactly, exactly. And so because we're in it, it doesn't stop. And then we have morphed into this access that is from our core. We've run out of words, we've literally run out of words. It's come down to colors.

  Master Saffer Now.

  Matt Slayer That's fucking amazing. That is something that like people should aspire to fuck.

  Master Saffer I would if I.

  Lady Petra If I heard someone talking like this, I.

  Master Saffer Would. So we thought about it, right? We thought about how do we give people access to this? And so we set about creating because, you know, coaches, lifelong coaches, we set about creating a coaching pathway to get access to this. And we developed a coaching system called Task a Day. We give you a task every day, but it's not like a physical task necessarily.

  Master Saffer It might be like a writing task or it might be a reading task or it might be a doing a task, but we give you a task every day and then we ask you a bunch of questions about that task to give you access.

  Lady Petra To your own clarity.

  Master Saffer Your own clarity.

  Lady Petra Because like we are there to tell you what we see and then, oh, we've decided you're this. That's not it. It really comes from your self-discovery of yourself. Yeah. And then once you discover yourself, we're helping a couple of people right now online, then it's about framing themselves in a way to find their ideal partner, not not a partner that you think, Well, if I act a certain way, they'll stay around.

  Lady Petra And as long as I don't act my normal way, they'll stay around. No, no. As you are presently now being you, which is 100% perfect, there's a partner for you in that situation.

  Matt Slayer And that's one of those things where, like, a lot of things fall apart at like the 90 day mark because people can't be inauthentic.

  Master Saffer Right? Right now.

  Lady Petra Pretending in that early phase, it's like, Oh, no, my best self, my underwear is never on the floor and I'm always made up and whatever. Right?

  Matt Slayer Well, and this is.

  Lady Petra Liability.

  Matt Slayer In my letter to my current adult life, like I'm on dating sites and I'm 100% on Front Street about all of it. Like, Oh, here are clips from the podcast. Here's me hanging out with porn stars. Like, I am not going to change for you, stranger.

  Master Saffer Right?

  Matt Slayer If you're not into this, see yourself out.

  Lady Petra But there is someone into that that's the thing. Literally, when I was searching, I just I had already been engaged, was an online dominant when I was just trying to figure out, you know, who am I like? This is how weird it is, how my internal language just drove me in a certain direction. I didn't I didn't go to Tinder.

  Lady Petra I didn't go to any of the dating sites at any level. Where did I go to Kinky live chat rooms? And I went to free ones because I wasn't going to pay for this shit looking for other people that were in that mode to talk to you. Now, who knows why I did that, but I did it and ended up being in an online dynamic for like a year and a half ish.

  Lady Petra And then it got to a point where I was like, OK, this is all been fun. But I need real, which was huge clarity for me because I was like, Oh, ha, I need real. So then when I went hunting for him and it was like, I'm very anal. So I went, started a and then the area we are in because we live in Seattle and you know, if they had a dick pic automatic.

  Lady Petra No and you know, and, and it's not that I don't like pictures of dicks, that's not it at all. But that is not a way to start a conversation or to start an interaction. Plus there's no consent when you have a dick because your profile, you didn't ask my consent to see that.

  Matt Slayer I wholeheartedly agree. Hell, it's full on a crime in some places now, right?

  Master Saffer God correct.

  Lady Petra So those they already lost the boat. And so then I go through and then I'd find people I was looking for dominance obviously, and I'd read if they put nothing into their profile, I was like, loser, think about it. Women used twice as many words as men.

  Master Saffer Five times as many were.

  Lady Petra OK, five times as many. And so words are important. So if a guy is looking to attract a female, you got to put words in, you got to put the time in. And so I would sort and I went all the way up to F I think, which is hundreds of people, hundreds of people.

  Master Saffer Thousands and.

  Lady Petra I literally was like, oh, this is so it was after day like five or six straight for like hours and hours on. And I was like, this is ridiculous. I'll start at Z. I went backwards and Z's weird. Forget it. Would Z in profile? Names are weird in that way. X is weird.

  Matt Slayer Oh, well, x x I can only imagine. It's like the dredge of fucking. Yeah, it is. Everyone's like.

  Lady Petra People have picked those that come on, they think it's a choice. But anyway, I skipped ahead. Got to you to find s. Luckily, he was say because I was literally like, this is bullshit. I'm really running out of tolerance. I'll just be single forever. And I ready is about.

  Master Saffer Now you have to get the the about that I had posted on fifth life was after a prolonged inquiry into what I was looking for so very specific was it was very specific. It was very detailed like I talked a lot about not just who I am but who I'm seeking and not just who you are, but what you're seeking and who we are, how we can be together.

  Lady Petra We are together.

  Master Saffer And and it spoke about the things that are of importance to me. You know, my inquiry about kink and food and drink and travel, travel and exploration and, you know, sexuality and the fact that I'm a dominant and the fact that I'm seeking a submissive to.

  Lady Petra Color and masochist.

  Master Saffer And not just a submissive that a masochist right.

  Lady Petra Which I didn't know I was.

  Master Saffer Yeah. So so but the point says it was written in a way that when she read it, it occurred to her as it as if it was written to.

  Lady Petra That's a thing. I read it and it stopped me in my tracks. I was like, what? Yeah. And I read it like five, six, seven more times. And it still gave me the same reaction. I was like, Oh, my God, I got to meet this. Well, I didn't. I had only read the about it had didn't know anything.

  Lady Petra So then i start to go through his Purvinas pictures and his views and realized, oh, he's engaged with a sub. Oh fuck. But then I thought, no loss because this was so impactful. I'm going to reach out to him because maybe he can direct me to someone of his kind, his ilk, because that spoke to me and that started the first conversation.

  Master Saffer Yeah. And so.

  Lady Petra It's amazing.

  Master Saffer Yes. The point is that she was seeking based on an inquiry that she had done about what she needed and wanted in life. She had done a bunch of work around that. Right. And I had created a speaking post based on really understanding what I needed and wanted out of like a partner in my life. And so we had both done a bunch of work in relationship to seeking for the relationship we were after.

  Master Saffer And when we discovered that connection, it was really instantaneous. It really didn't take more than just a conversation to realize like we needed to take this further, right? And when we met in person, she said like, Yeah, I just made that. I made the decision right there on the spot.

  Lady Petra Like right when he walked in the room, I was like, before he spoke, I was like, Oh my God. Because a true dominant exudes dominance without having to be.

  Master Saffer Pretending to be dominant.

  Lady Petra Yes. Yeah. You don't have to pretend you don't have to put on airs. They just are. And I was like, Oh my God, that's what I've been searching for my whole life. I didn't know, Oh, let's go. It's just the air out of the room. And I was like, Oh, my God. And for me to not have experience attraction in that way, my whole life feeling like I weird yet, you know, we've talked about for months and months we've been talking so I as a demi sexual I've built that part.

  Lady Petra And then all of a sudden he walks in. I'm like, yes, I'm in, I'm in. I'm like, here I am, I'm in. And it was just amazing. It was amazing.

  Master Saffer Yeah, it was amazing.

  Lady Petra Amazing.

  Master Saffer And what's been really amazing beyond that is just as we spend time together we're so aligned in so many ways, it's clear that we don't have a lot of work to do to get aligned. Just aligned, right? And so we've been able to really put our attention on building relationships. And even though we did a bunch of work to get there, once we connected, it's still tough doing a bunch of work.

  Master Saffer Yeah, to to actually build that what we call create a relationship. We actually had to make a whole lot of agreements with each other about how we were going to proceed because we're in a 24 seven total power exchange. That means we're always.

  Lady Petra It's always.

  Master Saffer Our dynamic. Always.

  Matt Slayer Oh yeah. I have so many questions.

  Master Saffer OK.

  Matt Slayer First and foremost, how long did it take you to hook up the first time?

  Lady Petra So we were talking because.

  Master Saffer Stuff from May until September. Well.

  Matt Slayer I mean, I'm talking like after that initial like walked in the room. Yeah, this is the one.

  Master Saffer Yeah, yeah. So early May to the middle of June. To six weeks. No. March, March, March, March, March, March to June. March, April, May, June. Yeah.

  Lady Petra This is what did it he met me on his birthday, which I was like, Who does that? Why would you meet me out? You've got plans. Why would you meet? He met me on his birthday. So for one, that was like big points I was like, What?

  Matt Slayer You're a priority.

  Master Saffer I felt.

  Lady Petra Like it. Yeah. And, you know, and then it took us until September because. Because he was traveling to Europe. And so we were kind of apart with different traveling things before we actually got together.

  Master Saffer Yeah. And even after my, our traveling was complete, it took we still had dinner a couple of times. We had like, women who interested on the beach and drank a couple of times we basically got to just spend time.

  Lady Petra Together in each other.

  Master Saffer And just get to see like, you know, kind of hang with this person.

  Lady Petra Well, and your big thing was before we start this, I have to.

  Master Saffer I have to.

  Lady Petra Claim you. So you have to put you have to choose to put yourself forward to be claimed as a submissive. And we talked about what that meant, like what he planned to do in our claiming ceremony and what that meant to me. And I had to really consider all of that because you have to understand, he although he had tested me as a masochist and and knew I was a masochist before I even knew he was talking about things that I was like, OK, I've never done that.

  Master Saffer I don't know.

  Lady Petra I'm not opposed to it, but I've never done it. So I have no idea how I'm going to react, you know what I mean? Caning, for example, I I'd never been caned. I had no idea what that meant, really. I mean, you know, because you can watch any video you want, but to be in it yourself and then to be receiving that I was like, I'm not sure, but I couldn't resist.

  Lady Petra So I put myself in.

  Matt Slayer That's fucking awesome.

  Master Saffer I'm wow. Yeah.

  Matt Slayer Well, look, I have never I don't think I have been involved with, you know, in the grand scheme of things like, as we talked about on your show, I'm not much of a gangster myself, but I've been adjacent to gangsters, and I don't think I've ever heard the word claiming ceremony before. What the hell goes into.

  Master Saffer That where.

  Lady Petra You got to tell?

  Master Saffer OK, so you know, my view before we became sexually related and because he was new to kink, even though she had done a bunch of things to her life had never been in a dynamic. Yeah, right. And she was coming out of a vanilla marriage and she wanted to be a submissive. And from my view, as a dominant that the only way that can occur is if you put yourself forward to be my submissive, which I consider claimant.

  Master Saffer I was going to claim her as my submissive. So in the in the kink parlance, that would mean she was under my protection. She's my play partner. She belongs to me. She doesn't get to do like you don't get as another to to take her on without my permission, right? So I'm going to claim her as my possession authority for for the for the purpose of this dynamic.

  Master Saffer And, you know, she had to give consideration to that. So we believe that people make decisions, which is based on their inner story about what they decide they want to do versus choices which is after consideration. So there were a few things we wanted to get out of the way. She needed to separate from her marriage. She needed to like really understand at a really deep level what it meant to be a submissive of a dominant masochist.

  Master Saffer You need to understand that. And then she had to use her own free will to put herself forward into that dynamic. It couldn't occur because I persuaded her.

  Lady Petra Well, and with what you just laid out there I because this wouldn't have happened unless I did it. I immediately told my ex that this is it. We're done. Now, granted, it wasn't his talking to me. I had known.

  Master Saffer For.

  Lady Petra Years, for ten years before, and then it became really heightened the last two years of my marriage that it was so abusive. I was literally just hanging on basically for my adult children to graduate. I needed them to get to adulthood I felt obligated to raise my children till they got to be adults themselves. But then I was like, I have to save myself at this point.

  Lady Petra So that was a huge deal because it was not it was an abusive marriage. So to tell someone in that situation meant that I was living in an abusive situation, even more heightened than before to make that choice. So I had to be clear on what I was doing. You can tell I was clear because I did it right.

  Lady Petra And then it.

  Matt Slayer Couldn't have been easy.

  Lady Petra I know it was he did it twice because he didn't get it the first time. So at least because Adam endearing person, a narcissist, doesn't understand, can't understand that you would ever leave them. And so when I told him it was over, he didn't believe it. So took two times. But then he tested me as a masochist, which I think at the time I didn't know what was going on.

  Lady Petra I was just being obedient. But he but tell. Explain your little.

  Master Saffer Yeah. So, you know, so she was concerned about submitting to me because I'm a.

  Lady Petra Because he's a.

  Master Saffer Sadist. I'm a sadist. Right? She was concerned about that. She didn't have context for what that implied.

  Matt Slayer Well, you mentioned earlier you talked about potentially chopping off fingers that's something that you may have a little concerned about. I did.

  Master Saffer Those like that actually came later, like. Yes, yes. But yes, but the point is this. The point is this that as a as a dominant sadist, in order for me to engage with her sexually, for me to be satisfied in my kink, I require that the submissive that I took on as a dominant was also a masochist. Right.

  Master Saffer So she didn't know, like, am I a masochist or not? She's she was concerned about that. I said, well, how about we do a little test, have an idea? So what I did was I had her do a task for me where she was. I was actually testing her obedience, her discipline and her tendency to be a masochist.

  Master Saffer Those three things were all built into the task. So what I had to do was buy a piece of ginger and scrape it up to peel it and scrape it up. So it was great. It was real, it was really juicy. And then stick it in her ass and masturbate. So she did 30 minutes. Yeah. So she had to masturbate three times and then she had to meditate with it for the balance of the 30 minutes.

  Lady Petra Yes. And come to orgasm with it.

  Master Saffer Yeah. So she had to literally have three orgasms with Ginger in Interact, which.

  Lady Petra Was called Faking.

  Master Saffer Yeah.

  Lady Petra And if anyone's done faking, it is probably the most intense thing someone can do. It's like it's putting like red hot chili oil in your asshole basically. I mean it never stops burning.

  Matt Slayer I mean it's still burning right now, which is.

  Master Saffer Why, that's why that's it.

  Lady Petra And I had no idea how I would and I didn't even know Ginger. Ginger would do that. So I was like naive on all fronts. I was like, oh, this sounds easy. Just do this, you know? And then I was like, Fuck, what's going on here? You know? And then following through with the directions and video in it and then sending that to him.

  Matt Slayer Oh, you need to self film this.

  Master Saffer Yes, yes.

  Lady Petra OK, so imagine this. I have this film, this in a discreet way while my family is around everywhere. So I'm hiding in the motorhome on all fours doing this while people are Where's Mom and got to go find Mom. You can hear him yelling outside like you see in the Guardian or see it where you know, and I'm like, fuck, I'm trapped and I'm naked, you know?

  Lady Petra So I'm it it was a commitment to a self-discovery for myself. So yes, he gave me direction. But I really feel at the moment I was committed to like, who am I? I've been this trapped marriage this whole time. And this is the first time I'm actually experimenting with myself. Like, Who am I?

  Matt Slayer What's your story? There has to be such an adrenaline rush to.

  Lady Petra Oh yeah.

  Master Saffer I we're.

  Matt Slayer Just everyone around you like, oh, I could get discovered. And then I have to explain this to my fucking children and my.

  Master Saffer Narcissistic husband.

  Matt Slayer Yeah. A nurse's husband who in his mind is still my partner.

  Master Saffer All right, well.

  Lady Petra And, and, and why. And someone might say, well, then you're a terrible parent, but there's a point in. I met my ex when I was 20. He was my first, and that's all I had. So the happiness the abuse was all I had. The whole 30 years, I had pretty much felt I had paid my dues. My kids were nearly grown.

  Lady Petra I was like, it's my time now.

  Matt Slayer Fuck. Whoever says like, you're a terrible no. You're a person. You have wants a need. I mean.

  Lady Petra Feeling. Yeah, I'm a woman being.

  Master Saffer Yeah, let me just answer me this video. And I was walking the dog out of the park and I get the video and I sat in the shade so I can read it and I watch the video to go, OK, I have to meet her because she masturbated with interest, which it came three times. And then she kneeled with the gender, asked the 30 minutes and she she had an out-of-body experience.

  Master Saffer And I was like, I absolutely have to meet this woman. I absolutely do.

  Matt Slayer So let me through this. How, how do you light it? Like, I want to see the scene, like, I want the whole visual of the scene. How'd you like this? Like, what was the camera angles on it?

  Master Saffer Now she literally put it like this. We're I get an iPhone where I just. Yeah, but I.

  Lady Petra So and was right in front because I'm trying to be discreet. I'm trying to be in this certain part of the motor home where it's no one can see me from Windows. If they open the door, I could quickly dart, I guess. And so it was I thought I had a lot of time when I first went in there and then all of a sudden the house got full of people and now my time is like measured.

  Lady Petra Now I have to get dressed and leave that environment and have people ask, why are you in there? I was cleaning or whatever I was doing, you know, big. And it it I remember walking around that whole evening in a daze like like just what I had experienced as a sexual creature that was beyond anything I'd ever experienced of myself.

  Lady Petra You know?

  Master Saffer Yeah. So that led to our first meeting.

  Lady Petra Yeah, that was.

  Master Saffer That was.

  Matt Slayer After that effort, you have to, like, obligated to meet her at that point. And I.

  Master Saffer Was done. It was, it was really clear up last, right? I mean, look, she, she was actually very attractive to me. But then beyond that, she's now a submissive, massive, and she's putting myself forward as a submissive masochist. So now we begin a conversation about claiming, right. So now she has context as a submissive massacres, what she's getting herself into.

  Master Saffer I have context about who she is as a sexual creature. And so now we set about setting up the construct for claiming and the claiming was really just about her showing up, putting herself forward.

  Lady Petra OK, specifics come in the house, undress at the door, kneel in and now do pose.

  Master Saffer That it was a gory and pose that basically you on your hands, you're on your knees with your knees apart your palms are face out, you're setting around, you're looking straight ahead. That's the nod to pose, right? So she's kneeling in that position.

  Lady Petra Just stay there until you find me.

  Master Saffer Yeah. And I had gone out for a walk with the dog. So when I came back, that's what I walk into.

  Lady Petra Right? It's hot.

  Master Saffer Which is hot. And then I sat there just looking at her, like just being with her right? Just being with her and just watching. Is she comfortable? Is she getting fidgety? Like a how is this occurring for her? Like, how is sitting in front of a dominant man who's clothed while she's kneeling naked? Like, how does this occurred to her?

  Master Saffer And just being present to that and then and then we took her on a journey of sexuality. She got to be kind. She got to experience being used all holes, years. All holes. Yeah. I've been kissing her ashtray thinking urine down her throat. She was like he really had to change. She really had to be larger to get the experience of being like a three whole select in the moment.

  Lady Petra And use.

  Master Saffer And use drag. Like actually used.

  Matt Slayer This all the first night.

  Lady Petra First. This is all one ceremony once is all one.

  Matt Slayer Sorry. Holy shit.

  Master Saffer Yeah, yeah. And then she had her first experience of subspace and she got to experience what that was like. And then she got her first experience of being debriefed right so.

  Lady Petra After care and then debriefing.

  Master Saffer After care and debriefing. And so we get to explore like, how did that occur for you? Do you get what you've committed yourself to that you now belong to me like this is now I you to show up every week. This is how this goes.

  Lady Petra And, and if you think about it, it's all based on agreements which typical vanilla relationships do a lot of things. Instead of agreements, they do assumptions. And then people get talked because the assumptions but one person has and the other person have are not the same. So then they get talked on one another because. Well, I thought you knew I wanted you to show up at this time or whatever.

  Lady Petra You know you know.

  Matt Slayer There's there's a lot of things that people are just, for whatever reason, have social hang ups on talking about.

  Lady Petra Right. But with kink, it's based on consent. It's based on agreements. So whether you're a hardcore gangster or very like Inkster, I think the the construct of can't get self helps relationship because you come up with agreements that work for both parties. It's a win win all the time and it's necessary.

  Matt Slayer It should be the societal norm even for vanilla exactly. But unfortunately, some people are just a shame to talk about whatever like, oh, just afraid to talk about their own wants and needs.

  Master Saffer But most.

  Lady Petra Bingo most.

  Master Saffer Most of sexuality is wrapped up in religious dogma. So there's a lot of morality built into sexuality. And we just set a morality aside that we just talk about what so and what we operate inside of is an ethical structure that it's all about ethics as opposed to morality. Right.

  Lady Petra And are we have our word if we say this is what we're agreeing to, that's what we're agreeing to, not something else.

  Matt Slayer Well, and the thing about is morality changes with society.

  Master Saffer Absolutely.

  Matt Slayer Yeah. There's a lot of things that are ethically fucking wrong that were morally right at one point in humans.

  Master Saffer That's exactly right. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

  Matt Slayer So yeah.

  Master Saffer So then.

  Lady Petra I'm claims and then we go on this podcast journey after the new year hits because we got claimed like in.

  Master Saffer 15

  Lady Petra 18 something.

  Master Saffer So we spent a year, we spent a year claims.

  Lady Petra And then.

  Master Saffer She got divorced and then we got color and.

  Lady Petra Then we got caller ID. Yeah, right.

  Master Saffer That's awesome. So caller ID is like a big deal, right? Of color in the kink world is akin to a like a relationship that's codified by marriage, right? It's like a commitment, but it's a kink commitment. It's not a marriage commitment. It's not codified by paper, it's codified by Steele right. And so she wears my collar.

  Lady Petra So I have a J collar on now and I have an ankle collar on that all the time on and then we have what we use as our hard collar. I work a job. I'm a real person. So I have a job so I don't wear my heart collar because it would scare the natives. It's it's a real steel collar with a ring on it.

  Master Saffer So heavy steel.

  Lady Petra It's too much for everyday work. So we have a day caller that I know I'm always attached to him all the time and that stays on all the time. And then we put on the, the regular collar or a regular collar when I come home for the weekend and that kind of thing.

  Master Saffer Yeah. Nice. Yeah. And so colored we live together from, I would say December until about March when we started Punnett and then that cove, it happened right after that. And so that was actually cool for us because it was really cool because she liked to work from home.

  Lady Petra It was so great.

  Master Saffer And we got to literally spend 24 hours a day together for the first time.

  Lady Petra Seeing every day.

  Master Saffer And we, yeah, we see it every day and we podcast it every day and we literally engaged in this deep inquiry into human sexuality through college, which was fucking amazing actually. You know, and after that we just kept putting that the show to go back to work. So we reduce the frequency to every other day.

  Lady Petra But we did anal April.

  Master Saffer Yeah, so then we did enalapril which was kind of a sweet example of a power exchange dynamic, right? So I said to her, Guess what, we're going to do enalapril. And she was like, OK, because she's my submissive, right? So then we had to discover the rules that one of the rules about enalapril. So we went for a walk and we had a conversation about the rules and we said, and during anal April, you don't get to touch your pussy and I don't get to touch your pussy sexually.

  Master Saffer You can wash yourself and clean yourself and that's it. And because, you know, she's obedient, I didn't have to put her in chastity. Right?

  Lady Petra I don't I'm obedient. I don't I don't play the game of like breaking the rules. I'm very much a game player.

  Matt Slayer So you're not you're not a brat.

  Lady Petra You're not a brat at all. Not at all. Not at any level. So for me, it's like, great, I to test that test myself, which enhanced the whole experience of being able truly, I think sometime and no disrespect to all brats, but by being obedient, you really get to stretch yourself in ways where you don't allow for the mistakes to happen.

  Lady Petra Yeah. And you don't know what's on the other side of that test that you're doing. But I do now because I got through it.

  Master Saffer So here's a way to think about it, right? So like if you boil water, you get steam, right? But if you almost boil water and it's just hot, you're not making steam. You can make tea and then it must be in tea and steam is with steam. You can literally move a train, right? But with tea you can just drink tea and that's it.

  Matt Slayer Right? Possibly you know, conquer Hong Kong. But yeah.

  Master Saffer That's the point, is that when you do something with 100% participation or commitment, it's actually produces a change, a state, right? Yeah. So so her completely obedient participation in anal April meant that we only had anal sex every day for a month. And the impact of that was we discovered new aspects of ourselves as sexual creatures by exploring.

  Lady Petra In unexpected ways. Yeah. Because we thought, oh it'll just well we just made assumptions. I think first we thought it'll just make us way more want, you know, sex only or and what it was is we actually both missed the pussy.

  Master Saffer Yeah. Yeah, we did.

  Lady Petra And in a way that we didn't know we did. And that, that codified how we seen even in the way we give respect to equal parts of things we enjoy.

  Master Saffer And she got to experience anal orgasms that. Yeah.

  Lady Petra So I did get that. That was really cool.

  Master Saffer She had been having them, she didn't recognize them as an orgasm so now she got to recognize that. Yeah.

  Lady Petra Now I, yeah, now I codified them.

  Master Saffer So after anal April we said, OK, so that was really interesting. So now let's explore hypnotic right? So, so, so now I'm hypnotizing her to get her into a trance state sooner.

  Lady Petra So I dropped this subspace stuff.

  Master Saffer Because normally with, with King, there's a process where you drop into subspace and when she's in subspace she's in a trance state. That's basically what subspace is. And she experiences sexuality differently in that state then when she's not in a trance state. Right? So what I wanted to do was get her into that try and state sooner. And so I created a script where I got her into hypnotic state so she could experience what I call a mouth gasp.

  Master Saffer Yeah. So so when a cop goes down her throat, she has an orgasm. So this is.

  Lady Petra What I'm proposing it. I said, OK, I'm game. But I was like, I don't know if you can have a mouth orgasm. I don't think that's possible.

  Master Saffer But it was.

  Lady Petra About a year, right? About a year. Six months to a year. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, it's happening now.

  Master Saffer Well.

  Matt Slayer It's amazing in so many things. Mind over matter. Like, if you believe if you happen.

  Lady Petra To be committed to the task and really all in without your story or anything get in the way. But we've create a situation where like we have this recipe for scenes right now that is just like why change it? It's like fucking working. It's amazing.

  Master Saffer Yeah. So she starts the scene now with this with an orgasm with a cup down her throat. That's how she starts a scene. And then we stay in that trans stage for however long the scene progresses. Yeah. And like us going back to what we talked about earlier, that's taken us into a new experience of energetic sexuality. It's quite remarkable.

  Matt Slayer That fucking smells amazing like that. I, I feel like people fucking half your age would be killing to have your guys sex life.

  Master Saffer We agree.

  Lady Petra I agree. I would have loved to have this earlier.

  Master Saffer We sort of half expect the world to come knocking on our door. Because we have that. We have the solution.

  Lady Petra And the thing is, is it does take work and persistence, but the idea is, well, you know, I could go with another partner let's say, right now, and I'm not going to have this energetic experience. It's just not going to be there because the level of trust and vulnerability in the way we get deep into that isn't there with a new partner.

  Lady Petra Let's say we've done the work, so then we're like, oh, god, well, how could we do anything different right now? Because this is like Nirvana. Like, we can't we don't want to mess with. It's not broken, you know?

  Master Saffer I mean, at this point, what we're looking for are new ways to extend the experience rather than ways to change it. Yeah, right. And, you know, for me, it's like I'm a dude. I basically had the experience of like having sex till I ejaculated. That was my experience as a dude, right? Like, oh, I ejaculated. I bet it was great.

  Master Saffer Right?

  Matt Slayer Good. I rolled over. I went to sleep.

  Master Saffer That's sweet, right? And so so now my experience of a sexual experience is so much more evolved, right? So now I have, like, this energetic orgasmic experience that is every bit an orgasm without any elation that precedes. And it comes in waves and it precedes over time the physical ejaculation. So that like I'm experiencing, you know, how you talk about women experience all about orgasms.

  Master Saffer I'm experiencing it as a man. It's quite remarkable.

  Lady Petra So access to this.

  Matt Slayer I'm also thankful that I don't have that because I would get nothing done in the.

  Master Saffer Day. Exactly.

  Matt Slayer If you give the ability to have multiple orgasms very quickly, nothing would ever get done. There would never be another episode of this podcast. I would just be fucking coming all day.

  Master Saffer You know? And here's the thing. It's like, our world is so interesting right now because, you know, remember I said at the beginning or earlier I said that new actions lead to unexpected outcomes, right? So we started the podcast and in that conversation we ended up talking to a professional dominated vixen in England, and she was talking about best and she was doing like this whole conversation around kicking guys in the balls.

  Master Saffer And so I asked her Well, do you have any opportunity to give pleasure to your, to your clients? And she said, Yeah, but not in the way you used to. So I use this thing called a slab and what I do is I give them orgasms that are so intense that I don't let go. And I say, OK, say more about that.

  Master Saffer Well, what that led to was a discovery of a new German male masturbation toy called the Slab. And so I reached out to the manufacturer and I said, Do you want to come on the potty? Because I don't speak English, but I don't have distribution in America. Would you guys like to distribute the slap? So now we're distributing the first male masturbation sex toy called Slop.

  Lady Petra Which is.

  Master Saffer Amazing.

  Lady Petra Amazing.

  Master Saffer Yeah. I mean, not most.

  Matt Slayer Oh, go ahead. Sorry.

  Lady Petra The dominant that we were talking to, she said she could only get one slut, one of her subs up to four and it goes up to, what, six? But most people, even with erectile dysfunction, ejaculate off of one or two.

  Master Saffer Yeah. So, you know, how are you familiar with the Hitachi? Right, of.

  Matt Slayer Course.

  Master Saffer So the Hitachi vibrator, 6000 RPMs, the slab vibrates up to 18,000 rpm on a penis on a penis. And this this will actually alter your experience of sexuality because I'm like, I'm a dude, I've got a cock and I've never had an experience like this. Right. This is mind blowing.

  Matt Slayer Before we got on, I actually watched Yo because you guys had a club promo video. Yeah, I want to watch the mike. I'm not sure I want to stick my dick in that. Like, I think this is one me does does make my life well. You know what it is like that looks kind of fun. On the other hand, like.

  Master Saffer Oh.

  Lady Petra It's intimidating at first, but it's not.

  Master Saffer Like my.

  Lady Petra It's it's actually supposed to be loose around that because it's the vibration itself that creates its erection.

  Matt Slayer It's one of those things where like back in the day that told me, like, don't fuck on ecstasy, it will ruin normal sex for you. So looking at it like, I'm not sure I want to use it because it just made like, how can I go back?

  Master Saffer Well, you know, you know what it is? It's like it's that men don't have an experience of vibration the way women do. They just don't women have had the rabbit and the Hitachi and the stick vibrator and the pencil vibrator they have learned about is I've had like all sorts of vibrational sexual experiences through the course of years.

  Master Saffer Men just have it like the the best men have had is a sort of a sleeve that they set over them.

  Lady Petra Fleshlight.

  Master Saffer And.

  Matt Slayer A fucking fleshlight like, which I've never actually personally used a flashlight. But Jesus Christ, if the forms are to be believed, they're pretty good.

  Master Saffer Right? Right. Right. Now, compared to that, this is 10,000 times different.

  Lady Petra And it's cool because with their developing no hands. So obviously you hold in the door or it be no hands or even better the partner holding the door. And for many Neil with additional like I've come up with ideas of like keeping it near the base where it hits the nerves that cause erection and then playing with the hand of the cock, you know what I mean?

  Lady Petra And so you're getting someone who has control over what's happening to your body but say no, you can't come yet.

  Master Saffer One of the things that was really cool about that conversation and I kept on was this this mistrust and of unread. What she said was even makes men who are flaccid cock. And I was like, holy shit, really?

  Lady Petra Because yeah, the relations aging.

  Master Saffer Yeah. So check this out. So there are two sets of nerves that cause a penis to get erect and ejaculates. One sex is oriented to erection one that's oriented to ejaculation. If you have a prostate issue or you have erectile dysfunction where you can't get erect, you can't really stimulate the ejaculation nerves. Well, what this machine does, it's so fucking powerful that it actually can reach and stimulate those ejaculation nerves so it can actually cause you to be ejaculation nerves live under the head of your penis, whereas the the erection nerves live near the face.

  Master Saffer So if you just go up and down your penis with this thing every once in a while, stopping near the head, you know, it takes minutes before you eject.

  Lady Petra Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you can't laugh, you can't, you won't last.

  Master Saffer But it actually is remarkable. It's the first real male experience with vibration.

  Matt Slayer And possibly sign me up.

  Master Saffer Because I grew up. Exactly. Love love dash USA dot com.

  Matt Slayer I was led to believe there's an affiliate program I could sign up for it.

  Master Saffer Yes, you would be good for that would be a good affiliate. Yeah, for sure.

  Matt Slayer Oh, my God. Oh, way to make money and people make orgasms. Sign me up. I'm up.

  Master Saffer There.

  Lady Petra So listen, we're all getting older. That's not going to change.

  Master Saffer Now, here's a statistic for you, right? Yeah. So erectile dysfunction is is age related. So, you know, even happens with men in their twenties and thirties, but by age 40, 40% of men have erectile dysfunction. At age 50 it's 50% and age 60, 60%. At age 70 it's 70% of men.

  Lady Petra And medical team does not consider it something deemed worth curing. Well.

  Master Saffer Let's just be clear about that. There's a, there's a specific disorder in erectile dysfunction called ejaculation dysfunction. And the medical community has found that it's untreatable so it's not that they don't think that's worth curing, they just have no idea how to set about it. This might actually solve that problem.

  Matt Slayer I don't know as long as I can still get it up. Yeah. You're a partner I'm OK. The moment I like my dick just doesn't want to get up anymore.

  Master Saffer I may slowly. I don't know. No, I tell you, what you'll want is to have an ejaculation.

  Matt Slayer Well, I mean, I would want to have it in a Jacuzzi.

  Master Saffer Yeah, and then you can.

  Matt Slayer At the end of the day, like, at the point where it's just like, oh, you're gorgeous. I just can't get an erection for you. I I'm not sure life worth living at that point.

  Master Saffer Well, you know, that's a saying.

  Lady Petra That's the thing.

  Matt Slayer I don't really do like it. Pretty dark and trigger anyone. Sorry.

  Lady Petra One of the things that was amazing, because he gets it up, but the idea was when we played with it on him and I really focused on the bass, I was like in the middle of it going, Oh, my God, I've never seen your cock get the girth that it has right now. I've never seen that in like, let's be honest, women, we like girth.

  Lady Petra We like girth, OK? A long, pointy pencil penis. It just stabs you in the uterus over and over again. It doesn't feel good.

  Master Saffer No, but.

  Matt Slayer For the most part, I do know I have a couple slut friends who are like, No, I want my cervix bruised. I'm like, you're I'm not Christian, but that's your thing. All right.

  Lady Petra Exactly. But that I've never seen it like that.

  Master Saffer Yeah, it's very different.

  Lady Petra And I was like, oh, my God, what the potential of this with your girth like that. And then someone messing with the head. I mean, this is amazing.

  Master Saffer Yeah. So that was like an example of how new actions lead to unexpected outcomes.

  Matt Slayer Hell yeah. Like, have you gotten a bunch of reviews from other celebs? Users were like, just fucking killing it.

  Master Saffer Yeah, we've had we've we we've definitely had reviews from individuals, but, you know, we've had a couple published reviews. We had one by Mail magazine, and I just heard from a podcaster named Dirk Hooper, who's a, he's a actually a fetish artist. And he just sent me a note saying that he reviewed the part. He, he used the he.

  Lady Petra Just used it.

  Master Saffer He was like, Oh my God, this is amazing. I'm gonna give you a great review. I'm excited to look, so look for that. But we're just because we're new to the United States and Canada, we're just starting to acquire those reviews. Yeah.

  Matt Slayer Hell, yeah, yeah. I'm going to pause for one sec because the letter is running through me and in unusual fashion. I actually had to piss in the middle of a podcast, which.

  Master Saffer Rarely.

  Matt Slayer Normally I'm I'm able to hold it down for the whole fucking show. But to be fair, we did another podcast before this, and I was working on that.

  Master Saffer Yes.

  Matt Slayer So I had to break the still folks. Hopefully I don't have to do it again. You have adult children at this point. Like, do they know about your lifestyle?

  Master Saffer Like.

  Matt Slayer Do you believe that.

  Master Saffer They are aware of the networking?

  Lady Petra Yes, they are aware of that.

  Master Saffer I don't know the details. Yeah, but you know, I don't know the details of their sex lives either, so. Yeah, that seems fair. Yeah, well.

  Matt Slayer It seems fair, but is that something that like we as a society should more embrace talking about we.

  Master Saffer Should. I do. I think we should, but.

  Lady Petra We can learn a lot from each other, but we just tend not to be in that fashion.

  Master Saffer Yeah, I think you know, there there's still a lot of morality and judgment and assessment that takes place in young adults back when I was 2530 like I fucking knew everything, you know, and then and it's not, it's not really like our kids can understand what we're up to because they're busy judging and assessing what we're up to.

  Master Saffer They're not really investigating that. But as they grow older, you know, we've created a podcast that they're going to stumble on and listen to and learn. And so we're not embarrassed about what we're up now. We actually believe what we're up to is way healthier than anything we've ever done. And the fact that we're having like killer sex is something that everyone should aspire to.

  Matt Slayer 100%. And it's one of those things where like, honestly, I think we're at a point in society where we should, if you have adult children, have more frank and open conversations with them. Because I remember as a kid or, you know, as a young adult, my father being like, Oh, watching porn is OK, but masturbating to it, that's not right.

  Master Saffer Yeah.

  Matt Slayer Like the why are we watching this?

  Lady Petra Yeah, why watch it.

  Master Saffer All right.

  Matt Slayer I'm here for bed acting and watching people fuck to not get off no, no, no. Shady anyone. I know that. I know.

  Lady Petra No disrespect, but I mean, really, that's what it is.

  Matt Slayer Yeah, right. But that was his generation it's just like as society's.

  Master Saffer Morality, you know, I had a had a conversation with what am I have three boys and a daughter and one of my sons. The most judgmental of them. I had a conversation with him about cake, and he said, so. So you just get off on beating women, like, are you sick? And I said, no, no, no. That's not how it is at this there's a whole thing called consent.

  Master Saffer And we're all about consent. And there's nothing I do with any person that I am involved with. This is before I met Lady Petra there's nothing I do with any person I'm involved with that doesn't involve her absolute consent, that man, and nothing I do with her what she wants to have done to her, you know?

  Lady Petra So and and there's always safe words. If it's too much or they want to stop, then we stop.

  Master Saffer Yeah. So in kink, you know, there are safe words like, you know, the way, the way King Stairs communicate when they're in trouble is with what we call a safe word. And if Lady Petra were to say yellow or red, that would change what was happening. Absolutely. Because I have to honor are safe words because she has to trust me.

  Lady Petra But think about this. If you're just doing pick up sex and you've got maybe you're a female is got more of an aggressive pick up guy there aren't safe words there's no right and if no doesn't stop the person then it becomes rape. Right. But I mean that's the whole thing there's so many parts of kink in the way you have pre conversations before you even engage in any sexuality.

  Lady Petra That creates a clear picture for one another, allows for the trust and the vulnerability to take place because you're clear now there's there are people that break that I get.

  Master Saffer It there's just bad.

  Lady Petra Actors everywhere but but that's part of the screening process you have to as an individual figure out your own screening process. And obviously you can tell what we did even we relate to it now is in the beginning when we were first talking we were getting related and it was a courting, if you will, to not that I was opposed to go jump in bed.

  Lady Petra I wanted to do that. But I also wanted something that was going to last. Like I didn't want to jump a bed and then find out what these five things he has about him. I really hate this is not going to go forward. I wanted to make sure that this is something I want to invest my time in because my time is important to me.

  Master Saffer Yeah. So, you know, kink is a conversation about sexuality and it lives in the world of consent. And so she has to agree. Now we live in a 24 seven total power exchange. Our consent happened up front. So what she told me were what we call her hard limits, right? So she said, these are things I'm just not willing to do.

  Master Saffer And how is that fair or not? That's works for me because I don't like those things either. Right?

  Matt Slayer If you don't mind me asking, what are the hard limits?

  Master Saffer So children.

  Lady Petra Children animals, blood like excessive blood. I don't want to just be bloody guns, knives, animals, knives. We've done some knife play. But that was when we were discovering why there is a slave. But but some people get really hardcore into knives.

  Matt Slayer Oh yeah. No, I know some people that are really in that play, like.

  Master Saffer Yeah.

  Lady Petra Right.

  Master Saffer I said animals, you know, children. None of that, right?

  Lady Petra You know, kidnaping, like rape, you know, kidnaping without my consent and rape. Scene, you know, that kind of thing. But that's the thing. We have to talk about that so that we can create. And then, of course, even though we made those agreements in the beginning, he's a reasonable human. We have continued conversations.

  Master Saffer The language that I think is communication. Yeah. So we talk about it before we talk about it.

  Lady Petra He doesn't surprise me with, oh, here's a gangbang, this is going to happen tonight, or, you.

  Master Saffer Know, he.

  Matt Slayer Is asking for consent. He's not asking for forgiveness after the fact.

  Lady Petra Correct. And consent is important even in a power exchange because the whole point is you're it. I give my power. He's only dominant with my power if I give it to him. If I don't, then it's an assault, right?

  Matt Slayer You trust him. So you give like if there was no trust when fucking work and like if he did things to build your trust, that trust would evaporate.

  Master Saffer Yes. And the thing is, you have to be present in camp because it's super intense and you can't be present if you're thinking about Do I trust him?

  Lady Petra Yeah, you can't. You can't be doing that. Yeah. Can't be doing your laundry list in your head while you're.

  Master Saffer You're killing you filled two bottles.

  Matt Slayer Why would I have repetition of old? I don't know. I mean, to me, first of all, the it's both bottles were open before we started. It was like he then bottles to unwrap it. Does that.

  Master Saffer Help? Yeah.

  Matt Slayer Sorry. It didn't mean the structural conversation.

  Master Saffer Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. So, you know, or getting into some of the nitty gritty of how kink works. Right. And basically it comes down to this. I need her to choose to put herself forward for my use on a day to day basis. And so on a day to day basis, I have to be responsible as her dominance to make sure that I give her what she needs and wants as a submissive now, there's a lot of conversation in the world of kids about cutting from the bottom.

  Master Saffer That's not what we're doing here. That's not what this is. She's giving me her power. I tell her to get ready to get used. She goes to get ready to get used. And then I use her the way that I choose to use her, whatever.

  Lady Petra That means.

  Master Saffer Whatever that means. And inside of her hard limits, there's no limit. Right? So it's a total power exchange inside of her hard limits.

  Lady Petra One of the thing I think that was most transformative for us and me as a masochist was a couple of things when we were doing high volume of impact, like we're talking hundreds and hundreds.

  Master Saffer Of Melissa's back up. So I realized early on in our relationship that she was in a really great mood after impacts teens. Yeah. And over the course of a few days, that mood dissipated. And by the end of the week, she was back to like thinking about storing her stories and about really needing to have another impact scene, not just like seven days in the shooting of that impact, seeing.

  Matt Slayer What defines other impacts in life because we have a very vanilla audience out there that we needed to foster.

  Master Saffer So for us, those impact scenes involved vloggers, paddles, canes. Right. She was getting basically marked like as as a as her dominant I want her mark as my property. So I would mark her with a cane. I would hit her with a cane hard enough to leave a deep bruise on her ass. Right. That's Mark.

  Lady Petra Tiger.

  Master Saffer Tiger Stretch. Right. So what would happen is after that, see and say on a Saturday, by Thursday, she is like starting to like wonder about like what she's up to and what we're up to and thinking.

  Lady Petra About how we've seen in the whole time, too. It's just that the impact itself hasn't been there at that high intensity.

  Master Saffer Yes, I I'm I postulated that what she really needed was a daily maintenance and it needed to be spent every day as maintenance. Not because she was naughty, not because she was bad, not because she was being punished, not because she's being discipline, just maintenance, spanking that she needed. Because, you know what those impact scenes produce are a series of chemical changes in her endorphins, press the glands and so on.

  Master Saffer All these things that lead to her feeling like, like, like heavy and and, you know, that she was a she was an elite athlete, so she would get a runner's high. Right. And then as an adult, she doesn't run that intensity. So she missed that. And what she discovered is that regular impact play gave her that same the same submarine as high to get that same sort of endorphin experience.

  Master Saffer And so once we started to do that, then she discovered because she was a distance runner, she discovered she needed not just some of it, but a lot of it.

  Lady Petra A lot.

  Master Saffer Yeah. So she would say to me, you know, we did 300 strokes that time. Well, we did 500 strokes that time. How about we try a thousand strokes? Right.

  Matt Slayer She's just chasing the dragon right there. Exactly.

  Master Saffer Yeah, exactly. And the thing is that, you know, that's becomes such a simple way to ground her, right? Because now she's now grounded whether an impact scene and we've incorporated into our regular play which.

  Lady Petra Works for a status.

  Master Saffer Which worked for a status, right? But we've grown we've gotten to where because our scenes are so intense, they normally seem like every other day now because it's super intense, because it takes us back to takes me at least and her a whole day to recover. Yeah.

  Matt Slayer The recovery is important like.

  Master Saffer Yeah.

  Matt Slayer Like any athletics.

  Master Saffer But yes, exactly. Yeah.

  Lady Petra We're leaving our rest days.

  Master Saffer That we are six weeks. Yes. Yes.

  Matt Slayer I don't know what is the preferred tool of the trade in the improvements.

  Master Saffer Yeah. So, so I'm I like to use a heavy flogger.

  Lady Petra Like heavy that we see at most of the dorm. Cons and things are these little wimpy, little fine things these this is heavy, heavy flag. He's going to go get it.

  Matt Slayer I am going to run away and grab a toy that my mother gave me. I'll be right back.

  Master Saffer I'll do it she.

  Lady Petra Used to bring out the carpet beta blocker and the.

  Master Saffer Paddle. So this is a heavy buffalo. Hide Flogger these crimes are pretty heavy. You can really see it on this on this thing, but they're thick and they're heavy, and this whole thing weighs a lot and it's perfectly balanced. And I can swing this and hit her with like pretty intense strokes hundreds of times with this then.

  Lady Petra And that's one part of it. And that's it starts with two or 300 of that.

  Master Saffer Yeah.

  Lady Petra And then it moves to.

  Master Saffer So this is a carpet beater.

  Lady Petra This thing that.

  Master Saffer I'm this was a carpet beater. This thing.

  Lady Petra All right. It's made out of.

  Master Saffer Made out of wire.

  Lady Petra Plastic wire.

  Master Saffer Yeah. And it's also really well balanced and and these things.

  Lady Petra These surface areas, tremendous.

  Master Saffer This thing hurts. It turns her ass really wrecked.

  Matt Slayer I can only imagine. I can only imagine.

  Master Saffer She said it hurts like fuck. Yes, yes. And then I use that leather paddle, right? So we have the leather side.

  Matt Slayer Studded inside and then.

  Master Saffer We have the stones as well. And she has several hundred strokes with this nice.

  Lady Petra Just to warm up.

  Master Saffer The warmer before our caner.

  Lady Petra And then kainene has transformed. What's this?

  Matt Slayer Yes, it's something my mother actually gave to me.

  Lady Petra And it looks like it's it's got.

  Matt Slayer A nine tells it's a can handle and it is this handles filled with birdshot. Oh idea how much have done heavy. Yeah yeah how heavy this fucking thing is.

  Master Saffer So it doesn't seem like it's balanced because.

  Matt Slayer Oh no it's doing a balance.

  Master Saffer Yeah yeah yeah.

  Matt Slayer The thing you can definitely get some yeah. Well I'm I don't think the.

  Master Saffer Thing about their father is that it has balance because it's got to be something that you can Well growing.

  Lady Petra At hundreds of times. Yeah. It's they're not throwing it hundreds of times. They don't need.

  Master Saffer It. They're I've got other flowers that aren't well-balanced that I just don't use because they don't, they don't not lend themselves to the rhythm that I like. Right.

  Lady Petra One of the things that's amazing, though, is that he always told me he marks this property. So that was the caning part. And we started with the cane. He's going to go get his cane. And we started with the caning and initially I was just taking whatever he would give me three, five, whatever strokes. And then he could read my body language and then would stop.

  Lady Petra But one of the times we were playing, I said, thank you for my thank you, daddy, for my marker something like that. And, and then we were because he usually fucks me in between the cane strokes. And so then I asked for another mark. I said, Can I have another mark at a point where he was like, not like Waiti like he was like, what?

  Lady Petra And so then that started us on the path of the agreement is that he will, he will tell me he is ready to start caning and he will always give me my first spark because he Marx's property and it can stop right there if I wanted. But then I asked for whatever marks I want and I don't know what it is because I am a switch by giving me that little bit of power control over my masochism experience.

  Lady Petra Now we're up to like 25 strokes and these are heavy.

  Master Saffer Cane, but this is a heavy cane.

  Lady Petra That's.

  Master Saffer Been steady.

  Lady Petra And linseed oil, it's heavy.

  Master Saffer It's so it's got a lot of mass to it.

  Lady Petra It's a beast.

  Master Saffer And it hurts like it. But it's designed.

  Lady Petra To hit me so hard now because I've got.

  Master Saffer Yeah, he's been asked, he's been flogged so many times and cane so many times now. Are you talking about daily spankings, weekly markings before years.

  Lady Petra Right. It takes a lot.

  Master Saffer So she's got a very seasoned ass and so I have to mark her. In order to mark her. I've got to produce a bruise that's deep enough that it actually marks because if I just if I just hit her lightly, it doesn't mark. So it requires a heavy weighted cane to produce a mark in her. And like she said, she's now requesting up to 25 strokes with a heavy cane by somebody who marks her.

  Lady Petra And that's a little bit of a mindfuck as a masochist to say I'm asking for my next.

  Master Saffer Yellow and, and she's being marked by a sadist, hits her with a lot of force.

  Lady Petra He doesn't ease up.

  Master Saffer Right now because I'm I'm about marking her so I'm hitting her with enough force to mark her and so her ass is often or not but what's really remarkable is within a week it's gone.

  Matt Slayer What's the technique? Are you like putting your full hips into it like this, a full baseball swing or like maybe?

  Lady Petra I don't know. I don't I don't know.

  Master Saffer There's there's definitely I.

  Lady Petra Bent over, so I don't ever see it.

  Master Saffer There's definitely technique to marking. And it really has to do with the way the cane impacts the rear end or whatever the part is. Your marking, you don't want the tip of the cane should be passed that because you don't want the cane to bend and break. So you want you want the end of the cane to be on the tissue that, you know, you're talking about developing.

  Master Saffer It's kind of like a golf swing, right? And a golf swing. Your hands move from here to here. And that's amazing. The club the club is moving from here to there. It's moving hundreds of miles an hour by the time it gets there. So that's the same thing that's happening with a cane so you have to, you know, control the amount of force that you're generating because the tip of the cane is moving very fast.

  Master Saffer There's a lot of energy. So we think of these these tools as ways for me to give her energy not there. They're actually we call it energy play, right? It's not just impact play, but it's energy play. So I'm I'm generating energy and I'm giving her my energy. And I keep doing that in a way that raises her ability to accept the energy.

  Master Saffer And that sort of is an access to an energy experience that we have together that in between not after after an impact scene and then I fuck her, we both experience energy that is definitely in the world of energy play it, doesn't it? No longer is in the world of sex. That happens. It's not like I'm fucking her.

  Master Saffer She's dead. In fact, it's like we're connecting energetically. Like it's almost like I like to describe it. Like the cilia on my cells in my penis are interacting with the cilia on her cells. In her vagina, kind of like Avatar where you get that, like, electrical connection.

  Lady Petra And so.

  Master Saffer You know, that's how it really feels. It's really quite remarkable.

  Matt Slayer Holy shit.

  Lady Petra Well, and then sometimes when I go on, I went to visit 25, and that's happened all this year. Like my numbers have gone jumped this year. There's been reasons I've stopped not because of the pain, but because I was starting to fall so deep I didn't know if I didn't know where reality was, I was starting to lose a sense of myself enough that I wouldn't be able to communicate anymore.

  Lady Petra To stop like or anything. And I made it and we were telling him I could have gone on more. I really felt like I could have gone on more, but I stopped because I couldn't control where I was dying.

  Master Saffer Yeah. So that got sad. What's the responsibility on the diamond? Right. And so my responsibility is her well-being. So I've got to be responsible in the scene. So while she's going into subspace and getting impact, I'm in dumb space and also having to be responsible for how she's physically responding to me so that I don't take her past the limit.

  Master Saffer Right. So that's that's one of the impacts of being on the other side of that conversation.

  Matt Slayer Yeah, that does sound like a crazy balancing act of like making sure you're getting yours, but also making sure that she's OK.

  Master Saffer That's right.

  Lady Petra Yeah. In a state where you're it's an abnormal state, a mental state for months. And it's interesting because after care for both of us, because we both have aftercare although he's self after cares and he's after carry me, I'm usually just conked on the couch and passed.

  Master Saffer Out.

  Lady Petra And he because I'm on the low end of the spectrum and I'm trying to regain my consciousness and he's on a huge.

  Master Saffer I have super adrenaline.

  Lady Petra High and so he has to sit and try to calm down and have a whiskey usually to slowly sip over an hour to try to bring himself back down to a point where yeah, you know we meet each other at some.

  Master Saffer Point. Yeah. And then, and then after that we normally debrief and it might take her several hours to come down.

  Lady Petra Yeah. Some because I'm up for a long time.

  Master Saffer Because the, the intensity of those scenes is really more than anything that normal people.

  Lady Petra Experience. I had regular sex and felt like that, like I've been like regular sex orgasm, done rollover sleep, you know, I mean, that's really what it's been like. This is a whole different experience.

  Matt Slayer Absolutely. It sounds amazing. Like you're just telling me, like, maybe I should go out and, like, experiment or fuck.

  Master Saffer We are enrolling you in sacred sexuality. Yes.

  Matt Slayer Fuck. Is there tuition? I got to pay a little.

  Master Saffer It's a little tuition. It's not not.

  Matt Slayer I don't know, man. I don't want student loans. The. Yeah, the interest rates. Will you like? I do. I have to go to Fannie Mae and be like, so I'm enrolling in sex her sexuality. What's the interest rate of this more people should be taking cues from you guys like that. Like, for the ideal audience, both of them are older.

  Matt Slayer Like you guys are. Later on in life, you are fucking killing it much better than any fucking ten year old out there.

  Master Saffer Sure. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I if I if I could have one thing, it would be that I would have this experience earlier in my life.

  Lady Petra Like, we would have met earlier. Yeah, yeah.

  Master Saffer Because, you know, there's a whole societal process to get into relationship and marriage, right? And that's why the divorce rates like 50%, maybe more just for first marriages because we don't really get connected sexually. You know what we decided to do was begin our relationship on the basis of our sexuality. So we decided to have a sexual kink forward relationship.

  Master Saffer We were going to relate to each other as sexual creatures first. That was going to be our first way to interact. And out of that, we would build a relationship on top of that. Well, we discovered that the sex was great and we actually liked each other and we were aligned and we wanted to build relationship. And so the kink and the sex came first, then the construct our relationship developed.

  Master Saffer And then she started to have feelings of more intimate, related, like loving, relate, blah, blah, feelings. Right. And that led to.

  Lady Petra And I discussed early to in fact I, I too was on my own journey of like full self-expression and I was like, I have these feelings. I can't deny them that I have them for him because they're unlike any feelings in my past of what I knew. Love was in a romantic way. Right. And I'm, I was worried like to say something like to someone sometimes in a relationship that's like the kiss of death, like, oh, that just killed our relationship.

  Lady Petra But I was willing to risk it all because up to that point, I felt like even if he gets scared and runs away, I haven't lost anything by what I've learned about myself in the time we've spent together. This has been transformative for me, and this will guide me in my next path. Right? So I just kind of told him, even though it was scary, it was scary for me for sure.

  Lady Petra And I knew he wasn't expecting it. And I just told him I was curled up in a ball.

  Master Saffer I'll tell you across.

  Lady Petra The room telling him.

  Master Saffer How out of touch I was. I thought that you said I have something to say to you that she was going to say, she's moving on and she's moving on. That's out of touch. I was oh, no. It was like, actually, I'm like, I'm in I'm I'm all in on this. Right. And I just had to accept that that's where she was.

  Master Saffer And it took.

  Lady Petra And it was OK that he wasn't there. I wasn't looking for him to tell me back, like, placate me. Yeah. I was like, I just have to say this and I have to get it out there. And you can do with it what you want. I'm not I have no expectations on it, but this is the first time I'm experiencing this, so I'm going to say it.

  Matt Slayer So what was your reaction in the moment?

  Master Saffer Yeah.

  Lady Petra What was it?

  Master Saffer Well, I was like I was like, OK, good. That's what he said. He said, OK, good.

  Lady Petra And I was like.

  Master Saffer Well, you know what I said?

  Matt Slayer I mean, that's a little rough reciprocation. They're like, oh.

  Master Saffer What if what I said was, OK, good, you make my life better. This is this is OK. I can be with you. I'm going to be with us because, you know, I'm my own journey. Matt was I was confronted by I didn't think I was a lovable human being. I didn't think that love was available to me. Right.

  Master Saffer I was like.

  Matt Slayer Everyone after a long marriage and children.

  Master Saffer Yeah. Wow. All right. She's telling me like she loves me, and I'm like.

  Lady Petra OK, let me tell you why you're wrong.

  Master Saffer Yeah. You know, I spend a lot of my effort finding evidence why I'm not lovable, right? So for me to be able to be with somebody telling me she loved me was actually a big step for me.

  Matt Slayer And it's scary.

  Master Saffer You know, I wasn't scared because I had already, like, almost a year and a half before made a choice to seek intimacy. I had made a choice. And in that conversation about that, I had to be present to I can say who's going to show up? I'm just going to be present. Whoever shows up, I'm going to accept whatever they show up with, and I'm just going to be with that and see what it's like to be somebody who's lost because then I didn't think I was capable of actually being loved.

  Master Saffer Right. So when she says, I'm feeling loving feelings toward you, I'm like, OK, good. I you make my life better. I'm going to be with that. Right?

  Lady Petra And I was OK with that. I was, because that's the beauty of a relationship, is it's not always a projection on your partner and you're looking for this reaction. It's a personal growth for yourself to say, wow, I've never been able to say that. Not not honestly, like I said the words when I was married, but that's what society told me.

  Lady Petra That's about looking good. That's what I'm supposed to do, right? I didn't have those feelings. Now that I have the feelings, I realize now I didn't have those feelings. I was just going through this looking good motion kind of thing. Of what's expected of me. And now I felt it was overwhelming. I was like, is I'm going to pop.

  Lady Petra If I don't say this, I have to say this. I cannot live with myself. If I don't say this. Even if he can't accept it, it doesn't change how I feel. My feelings are real. And so I just said, I have to tell you this.

  Master Saffer Yeah.

  Lady Petra And that started the journey.

  Master Saffer Yeah. Yeah.

  Matt Slayer I'm assuming back beforehand, like when you said it before, you may have believed it at the time. And then in retrospect, you're like, nope, that was not.

  Master Saffer Real. I think it's more like this. I think we say, I love you to our spouse because we're expected to say I love you to our spouse. That and the I Love You is not an expression of love. It's a statement.

  Lady Petra Of the marriage of.

  Master Saffer Greeting. It's like, Kyle, goodbye. I love you. Like it doesn't actually carry the weight of love with it. Right? This was different. This was a first experience for me of reflecting on this woman is actually expressing love for me that she is actually she has affinity, she has approval, she has connection. She has relatedness. She has, you know, kindness, joy, happiness, generosity.

  Master Saffer All of that's coming at me like out of a fire, which hit me.

  Lady Petra Initially thought this is just too weird. Like there's something going on here. This this can't be this way.

  Matt Slayer I can't relate to that.

  Lady Petra I'm a lazy wog. I don't change.

  Matt Slayer Real love is supposed to be as chemically addictive as fucking cocaine.

  Master Saffer It is. Yes, it is. It is.

  Lady Petra It's absolute like a drug.

  Master Saffer It's. It is.

  Matt Slayer What this baby will. I've said I love you too. I definitely don't love them. Like, OK, exactly.

  Lady Petra Yes, right. Yes.

  Master Saffer Now, this is different, you know, and we like, I'm on an inquiry about about my journey in life, right? And I'm really present that I you know, what we have as a construct, as sort of modern Western living creatures is what Disney portrays as love, right? It's like this very, very Cinderella kind of experience. And that's not what it is.

  Master Saffer You know, love is a verb, right? It's an action word. And you have to be in the realm of being an action to show love both on either side all the time.

  Lady Petra No. And the key is this, well, we were married, typical ceremonies and marriages and stuff. And the way people give you advice, it's like, you know, you're you're coming together and making one. You're it's which then creates the idea in people's head just automatically a 5050 partnership that we build this one thing that's not we've learned that is absolutely not true.

  Lady Petra That is not how you make a healthy relationship, how you make a healthy relationship. Is I am 100% responsible regardless of what he does. I'm 100% responsible for the health and wellness of our dynamic in our relationship.

  Master Saffer And I am too I'm one.

  Lady Petra Hundred percent over there he is and that it isn't keeping track or score which I did in my marriage look at I did this for him. What is he doing? Where is the score? Are we keeping track? Are we lining up.

  Matt Slayer The minute you're tit for tat for any interpersonal relationship should his fault.

  Lady Petra It's its content.

  Master Saffer Is that right? And yeah, so so we believe that a relationship exists because we're 100% responsible and she's 0% responsible and she believes she's 100% responsible and I'm 0% responsible. And so once we're each taking full responsibility for the relationship it has a much higher probability of of working. Right. Because any time I think I see something up I get to talk about it.

  Master Saffer And at times she thinks she sees something up, she gets to talk about it. And we don't have any rules about talking about it. We can talk about anything. Yeah, right. But what we don't talk about are the stories we make up about what? So we talk about what. So we talk about what actually happened. And we actually, you know, because we're because we're humans, we actually have an agreement about how to deal with breakdowns.

  Master Saffer But we also believe that breakdowns lead to breakthroughs, right? So it's up to us to create the breakthrough and that all I keep saying it's all communication. We live in a world of words. The words govern our life in our world, and we get to be responsible for the words we use.

  Lady Petra So I'll give you an example about responsibility. I wake up every day excited that I'm beside my partner and I create him nearly every day. So in my marriage, it's just like, oh, it's the same old guy sitting next to me, the same old habits I do goodbye, honey. Goodnight. You know all the habits that you do in a marriage, right?

  Lady Petra I create them newly each day. So, like, part of our I don't know if it's our ritual, part of it is a task that. But my ritual that I added to this is I write him a love note every morning and I get up at God awful hour at 4 a.m. because my work is really early and I sit quietly at the table and write him a love note and leave it on his desk.

  Lady Petra So that first thing he gets, which my note create him newly in that day, like how he interprets himself as my partner is new based on how I write it. And it could be funny or it could be sexy or be whatever. And then one of our tasks is when I'm apart from him.

  Master Saffer So what you're talking about as a protocol.

  Lady Petra Yeah, like a protocol task is I wear a butt plug when I'm away from him so that he's near me and with me all the time. And then when we're together, I don't have to do that. Right?

  Matt Slayer So Wi-Fi enabled bubble plugs.

  Lady Petra No, no. Yeah, no, not vibrating.

  Matt Slayer But that'd be amazing if he could just control it.

  Master Saffer We had those didn't work very well, that's all right. But that's not the point. I'm not glad that we're in a 24 seven dynamic, so I don't need to tell later. All day long. She's already, she's already.

  Lady Petra I'm already too late. It's already.

  Master Saffer Too late. But I want her. But I want her plugged so that she gets that she belongs to me. And so, you know, literally, she's wearing a plug away from home for four years.

  Lady Petra Eight or 10 hours a day. Right. And, you know, I take a picture and then so like when he wakes up because he wakes up later than me, he'll get a good morning text. He'll get a picture of the butt plug. He'll later find his coffee is all prepared in the morning for him when he gets up he has his note.

  Lady Petra But think about it. People think this is all just service. But the idea is I'm creating him in that day, making his day so seamless and joyful in our dynamic for both of us creates ourselves newly each day. Yeah. Like we don't take each day for granted. It's not just another day. It's an actual another day for us to live.

  Lady Petra Come fully into the day, like fill every moment of the day until we retire at night.

  Master Saffer I mean, that.

  Matt Slayer Is a level of dedication. Fuck.

  Master Saffer Absolutely.

  Lady Petra But that's what it takes.

  Master Saffer We like to say that we use the day, right? We use the entire day. That's at the end of the day when we go to sleep. There hasn't been a moment in the day that we haven't been present to and used.

  Lady Petra It's not wasted time.

  Master Saffer Ever because this isn't time to waste. This is it, right? This is the entirety of it, I.

  Lady Petra Think based on our marriages and we're older and based on that, the time we you know, weighing about sometimes that we lost that we're now not willing to give up a moment.

  Master Saffer Yeah.

  Lady Petra To waste like every day has to be lived into fully.

  Master Saffer Or.

  Matt Slayer I can only imagine like I'm making this up. So you guys are a little bit older than me, but even then, you know, I'm in my early forties. The amount of people that I have lost over my lifetime is just like is a stark reminder, like, oh, we have finite time on this fucking planet.

  Master Saffer Absolutely.

  Lady Petra We're not getting off the dirt.

  Master Saffer No, no. There are no other s. This is the only it.

  Matt Slayer This is the whole show.

  Master Saffer This is the whole show.

  Lady Petra This is it, baby. So you might as well.

  Master Saffer You might as well. Like I say, you know, we smell the roses. We enjoy the meals we make. We're very particular about the cocktails we drink. We're very particular about the sex we have. And we do it very we do it very intentionally. Right? We live our life intentionally.

  Lady Petra And it's it's I don't know, sometimes amazing. It's hard. It's hard to share with people because I don't know if they get it, but it's amazing.

  Matt Slayer I wish there was something that we could more hammer in the young people because like that in my twenties, I definitely felt like I was immortal.

  Master Saffer Like, Oh.

  Lady Petra Yeah, oh.

  Master Saffer Yeah, yeah. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't.

  Matt Slayer That's just part of the human existence. Like late teens, early twenties, like, oh, I'm going to live forever. Like, no, motherfucker, when you get older, I'm like, people are just going to die around you. Like, Oh, shit, I'm going to be one of those people at some point. At some point people are going to be at my fucking funeral and be like, I remember when.

  Master Saffer Exactly. Yes. So we, we just want to make, we want to make the most of it. You know, like I said to the other day, what I have maybe like 20 or 30 good summers.

  Lady Petra Like I know when he says it like that is scary.

  Master Saffer Right?

  Matt Slayer But it's true. Like literally one of my friends just posted pictures of us from 20 years ago on Facebook. Like he's like, oh it is cutting out his dad's house and found pictures of us from like 20 years ago. I'm like, holy fuck, we're going to be dead soon. Well that's morbid. It is, it is. But it means like, I need to be in the fucking moment.

  Matt Slayer I need to fucking embrace everything because this shit is finite and we need to be on it.

  Master Saffer I can tell you that he and I are now living our best lives in the second half.

  Lady Petra Of my life. Oh my God.

  Master Saffer We're living our best life when we've never had such a consistent experience of nirvana that we literally live in.

  Lady Petra Bliss and not in Nirvana, obviously. In sex, obviously. But I mean, in if you just look at your life as walking through a car together, holding hands, it's was like, I never experienced that in all my years of being married. He walk in front of me, I'd be tailing behind. There was a domineering situation going on all the time.

  Lady Petra I'm holding his hand. We'll stop. Oh, we're going to see pictures of these flowers. These are amazing. And, you know, it sounds goofy, but we're present. We're there. We're not talking about our laundry list or all the to dos. We have we if we're walking in a park where their.

  Matt Slayer Bullshit five year plans with Kobe like really illustrate to me, like I always thought up five year plans are bullshit, but like after Kevin's like, really? You're really, like, worried about your five year plan? None of this shit is promised.

  Master Saffer Yeah.

  Matt Slayer Promise?

  Master Saffer Yeah. You know, like, if I'm, I'm 20, 24 now there are a million people in America that are dead. That means a million families lost somebody. That means theirs, you know? I mean, the fact is that all of this is temporary. We could do it here, hit by a comet. We could get hit. I mean, Russia could launch a nuclear weapon.

  Matt Slayer I mean, all hell, we could just be hit by a car walking across streets.

  Master Saffer Across.

  Lady Petra The street. I know. Yeah. It's so fragile. Human life you only have right now. That's it. So live your best life right now, the most authentic way you are. And I mean, wow, it's.

  Matt Slayer I really wish we could hammer this home to younger people who are still in their like, I'm immortal so far. Like.

  Master Saffer Yeah, you're not going to hammered home to them.

  Lady Petra That's hard because we're both. I taught in higher ed, too, and the idea is, until they get to about 25, their brains aren't even cooked yet. So they're not even rational in certain areas to take it all in.

  Matt Slayer I agree and hell.

  Master Saffer I mean.

  Matt Slayer 35, I was.

  Master Saffer Real.

  Matt Slayer Fucking being real, real reckless.

  Master Saffer So yeah.

  Matt Slayer It's wild to me like that. So much maturity can happen between like 25 and like mid thirties, like that ten year span like so much where you can live out, learn out of life than you could in like the first 25 before that.

  Master Saffer Sure.

  Matt Slayer Yeah. I mean I feel like possibly a failure as people, as parents, it's like not really hammering that point home.

  Lady Petra It's hard though because once you get past a certain age, you stop listening to your parents as the influence and the reality is it's really up to you. But the problem is society has all these structures that tell us this is what you have to do to be a real good human. This is what you need to be doing.

  Lady Petra And so we kind of but we, we.

  Master Saffer And it's all it's all the Kool-Aid.

  Lady Petra And we think, yeah, this is what we're supposed to do, even though we don't know if that's for us.

  Master Saffer It's all wrapped up around, you know, getting a job, getting a career and finding a partner. And it doesn't really get into getting related, figuring out what love.

  Lady Petra Is, finding happiness.

  Master Saffer Doing what happiness is like. We don't have those lessons. Just kids, you know, we don't have that. But how do you learn how to be happy.

  Lady Petra Parents and bless their hearts, but they don't have the skills. We have to have a class to get a driver's license. We get training on a driver's license. We don't get training to be a parent.

  Master Saffer Or be a partner in marriage. We don't.

  Lady Petra Exactly. Those are the things we do not get training in.

  Master Saffer Yeah.

  Matt Slayer I know. It's kind of fucked up as a society. You just have to learn from example from your parents. And if they're fucked and their parents are fucked because.

  Master Saffer They know it.

  Lady Petra Because they're trying to learn on the fly too, that's the problem. You can't really blame unless they're being abusive. You can't really blame people because they're really just flying from the hip.

  Master Saffer Well.

  Matt Slayer Even though even when they're being abusive in some situations, yeah, it's because they don't know any better. Like, Yeah, I know.

  Master Saffer There's a lot of research on this that people tend to behave more like their same sex parent. And on a gradient over time, we get to break the cycles, but you actually have to have an intention yourself to break the cycle. You actually have to get, you know, present yourself to what's required. You can't rely on the training you've had because your parents don't have the training.

  Matt Slayer We talked about this on your guys podcast from all that is actually the exactly something I to me because my father was not well equipped to be a father.

  Master Saffer Right.

  Matt Slayer But if you want you want to nothing more than to have a family because he came from a broken home. I never met my grandparents on his side, but they were a broken home. He wanted nothing more than like I have a family that loved him and it turned out to be fucking super broken. And nobody nobody came out of that unscathed.

  Matt Slayer I don't want to bring someone into this world like, oh yeah, I'm going to continue the cycle of bullshit.

  Master Saffer Right? Yeah, yeah. No, that's that's actually the way it is.

  Lady Petra That's true.

  Master Saffer Really true.

  Matt Slayer I'm happy that, like, I haven't lost been like, Oh, yeah, that's fucked. Don't you continue doing that? So many people, like, in all reality, and my mom, my mother was there was my father passed on a couple of years ago. But my mother listening to this podcast at the end of the day, like, they should not have bread.

  Matt Slayer I should not.

  Master Saffer Have.

  Matt Slayer Too late. I'm here. But they should have had no business being parents between the two of them.

  Master Saffer That's funny.

  Matt Slayer Well, but you have to like you have to take a step back and acknowledge that it's like, I have zero memories of them together, of them not fighting.

  Lady Petra Yeah. Yeah.

  Matt Slayer I like the idea of like bring someone into this world like, oh, hey, this is going to be your existence or ending up like my father, who did everything he could in his mind to do the right thing. He worked two jobs, so we lived in, like, a middle class, like, community. There was always good until but Jesus Christ, he was a fucking miserable human being to accomplish that.

  Master Saffer That's something. Yeah, yeah.

  Lady Petra But that's like, we're trying to, like, live into a story that we think we have to live in, too. And yet there are other families who live in poverty who are happy as fuck.

  Master Saffer Well, that's why. That's why we've had to break the cycle. Right? That's why we decided to take on a new way of experiencing each other. We chose to build a relationship based on there's nothing wrong ever, ever. And we're going to create each.

  Lady Petra Other and that we're responsible. There's there's what? So and there becomes sometimes a communication that we have to understand what so is. But there's really nothing wrong. We only as humans make things wrong in our heads. We just decide that they're wrong.

  Master Saffer Yeah.

  Matt Slayer And also doing the right thing doesn't necessarily mean actually doing the right thing.

  Master Saffer Yeah. How do you mean?

  Matt Slayer Well, it's like society says you need to provide or do these things it's not necessarily making that choice necessarily is the right thing.

  Lady Petra That's and that's not even what. So that's just a made up thing by society. He's just put that forth as an ideal.

  Master Saffer That's where kink is like so cool, right? Because we live in agreements, we actually make an agreement to live a certain way, and now we live. So. So we shared with you quite, you know, completely like what our life is like, right? We have protocols that guide our existence. We have ways of relating in a dynamic we have a way of relating to each other in our sexuality.

  Master Saffer We have a way of relating to each other in conversation. We have a way of relating to each other in agreement we have a way of relating to each other around creating our day by day experience of each other. And that's a new way of experiencing life. And honestly, we can both say without any equivocation, we're living our best life.

  Matt Slayer And that's honestly how it should be. Living a life that makes it doesn't hurt anybody and makes you happy should be the goal for fucking everyone.

  Master Saffer Well, that's right, because life is empty and meaningless and it's empty and meaningless that it's empty and meaningless. And we get to create meaning by taking on what's important to us so that our life has meaning and the moment because life is moment to moment.

  Matt Slayer Is also.

  Master Saffer Totally.

  Matt Slayer Totally is. And that I'm ecstatic for you guys because it's fucking awesome. We're esthetic oh, I hope so. You're actually living it. I'm just like an outside observer. Like.

  Lady Petra It's like the best.

  Master Saffer Yeah.

  Matt Slayer And I wish more people would find that shit. Like, more people would get over their bullshit and just be fucking honest with you.

  Lady Petra And even when we do coaching, some people start the coaching and stop it. And the idea is a lot of people are I will say it because I'm a dominant when I'm coaching, they're lazy. They don't want to put the work in. They want tips and tricks to get to the end goal. If, you know, for example, even with weight loss, if I'm overweight, I just want a pill that will help me get to where I want to be.

  Master Saffer Everybody knows exactly how to lose weight you eat less and you exercise more. They know that. But what they want.

  Lady Petra To do is.

  Master Saffer What they want is a separate trick to help them lose weight. They don't actually want to do the work. And the same is true.

  Lady Petra In same things with relationship. There's no tips and tricks. It's really they want us to always tell them, Well, what is it really tell me really? And I'm like, Wait, you have to do the work. It's because I'm not you. You have your own affinity for things you want in relationship. You have to discover that. You have to ask those big questions of yourself and really ask them.

  Lady Petra And even if they're hard to hear, well, I think we're talking to one person one time that had an epiphany, you know, because working through so we're dealing with a lot of times kink stories, but someone was like and then I figured out I love adult diapers, OK, that's not our king, but I'm not going to judge but that seemed to resonate for that person.

  Lady Petra I go, well, then all these partners you've been looking for up to this point have not been aligned with that. Shouldn't you find a partner who is aligned with that? Because that sounds like that speaks to you. And they're like, huh? I'm like, wow, full self-expression. You need to have full self-expression to be authentic, know it, find the right partner.

  Lady Petra You don't sign the the pinup girl that you think is the fantasy that you think you should be with. Find a real partner that can fulfill you in all ways.

  Matt Slayer I agree. One, unfortunately, a lot of human existences oh, you like me? Well, I like you because you like me, not necessarily because you're a good fit or we're compatible, but. Oh, you like me. OK, cool.

  Master Saffer We're in yeah, yeah.

  Lady Petra Yeah. And there's a difference between just sex, sex, and I know, and that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. But when you're but when you're because you were in this kind of query where you were having lots of sex whenever you wanted with whoever you wanted, but you were left empty and people are like, man, you're having all this sex.

  Lady Petra Yeah. He was like, he what he was really wanting was relatedness, relationship.

  Master Saffer I wanted intimacy. And relationship. Yeah. So, you know, it came down to that. I realized that the sex had to be where I wanted it to be for it to be appealing to me. And so that's why I was seeking a sex forward kink forward relationship. But what I was seeking was intimacy and vulnerability. And relatedness. And, you know, that was an inquiry that took me four years to figure out.

  Master Saffer Look, I went on a deep dove into the world of kink. The four years deep dove. Yeah, like a deep dove, you know, and I really had to discover who I was as a sexual creature and what it was that moved me and what it was I needed.

  Lady Petra What kind of say what.

  Master Saffer Kind of status I was. Right. And all of that had to be explored. And after doing that, I realized, OK, this is the kind of partner I need, somebody who's actually into what I'm into sexually. And now that gives me an opening to discover intimacy and relationship, because what I didn't want to have happened was to find somebody that I was really attracted to who was into relationship with me but who wasn't into what I was into sexually.

  Master Saffer That would make no sense. Right?

  Matt Slayer Right. That's a recipe for disaster down the road.

  Master Saffer Badly. Yeah. Yeah. That's all we got.

  Matt Slayer And that's amazing. But hey, it's actually perfect timing that it's about time to call last call on this motherfucker. Where can my audience find you guys on everything?

  Master Saffer All right. All over the place. So the kinky cocktail hour, as is on every podcast platform you can find us on FET life. I'm Safra Master on FET Life. She is lady underscore Petra on faith life on Twitter you can find us at master 206 Sapphire and also Slab USA at club USA.

  Lady Petra And our website is lady Petra playground dot com.

  Master Saffer And the audio all the links are there for lady at that program.

  Matt Slayer Hell yeah well thank you guys like this was a blast I enjoyed the hell out of doing a double header with you guys.

  Lady Petra Yeah that was fun.

  Master Saffer Thank you. Excited to be in that.

  Matt Slayer Oh, it's good to meet you guys. Well, and as always, you can find me. I'm out on this course on Twitter, Metzler on Instagram, Madison Sloan on Facebook, Twitter, Twitter, slash my name. So the picture on a picture on accomplishments. There you can find the podcast and now a drone on Twitter and now a drink underscore on Instagram.

  Matt Slayer And until next week, drink up, motherfuckers.

  Master Saffer That was awesome.

  Lady Petra That's awesome. Thanks, Matt.